Ah, the world wide web…gotta love it. Always a great source of information especially for a pseudo-stalker like me:) Well, you know if someone is going to post something publicly than it can be found…

I found a myspace page for the person the my husband has chosen to have a relationship with. You wouldn’t believe this…or maybe you would…she had photos of her and my husband holding, hugging, and kissing each other.

I’m gonna be sick!

Okay, so I immediately called my husband to ask him what the F*&(^ At first he ignored my call but I kept calling, then started emailing, and texting…He finally called after a few threatening emails. It is like I always have to threaten to get you to talk with me or get back to me. I hate doing this. It is not who I am…

But I can’t continue to have you hurting me and making a fool of me. You lied to me about your relationship with this certain person…she is under the impression that you two are in a relationship. And from the pictures I’m not surprised that she would feel this way.

I just can’t believe that you and/or her would post pictures like that. You lied to me about the extent of your relationship with her. Gonna get sick again…Pictures kissing her?! Yack! How could you be so disrespectful? You continued to tell me that you had only kissed that one time even as I was looking at the pictures knowing you were lying. You also said that the whole relationship that you have had with her revolved around that one time, weekend…I don’t think I can believe it since the pictures were posted in March and it is now July. You also told me that you have never slept with her. How can this be true? What am I supposed to believe?

At this point, why aren’t you just asking me for a divorce? Is it because I said that I wouldn’t give it to you until the agreed upon 6month separation was over? Your actions and your words don’t match up. I also know that you heart and mind are in conflict too.

After the initial shock and yelling on the phone the conversation turned a bit more calm. However, you kept asking me if I thought that we could get back together…and then saying that you think we are over. And again didn’t ask me or even talk about divorce. The conversation continued with discussions on our goings on. What we’d been doing lately, etc. It was actually really nice to talk. You even said so first. You said that we should talk like this more. I completely agree. Becoming somewhat defensive you said but without expectations…fine Husband, whatever.

So that’s where we ended it. You telling me that it is over between you and Girl and asking her to remove pictures from site as you two are supposedly over…Oh by the way she only made the site private didn’t remove pictures…this shows guilt…maybe again you aren’t telling me the whole truth…And setting up a time for us to talk again.

Husband, I think that you are so lost and in turn I’m starting to lose my way also. How can I keep calling you my husband? If I had a friend going through this I would tell her to let him go…yet, I can’t convince myself to do the same. I know, know that you have a big problem with letting someone in to love you. You told me this in our conversation. Then you find me, someone who loves you more than anything and wants to be with you forever…and you get scared…you go back to your old patterns, you run…Now it seems like you are starting to realize some of the mistake you have made…But aren’t yet willing to take full responsibility and look truth in the eyes.

I know I’m supposed to stop my private stalking but I can’t help it. Having this information calms me…sort of.

I like knowing what you are up to. The funny thing is you had blocked me from some of your online networks but now they aren’t blocked anymore?! I wonder if you are unblocking me so that I can see what you’re up to?! It seems like you are telling me what you’re doing…do you know that I am checking on you? Do you want me to know what’s up?

I’d like to think that you are talking to me through your networks because you do miss me, miss talking to me, miss sharing things with me.

I’ve been doing really good lately. I still miss you and love you of course. However, I am proud of myself for sticking to my plan. It seems like you are having a good time being single. You have been able to visit friends you haven’t seen in a while. Plus you have been able to spend time alone with your dad. I hope you are finding in yourself what you’ve been looking for.

I’m your private stalker, stalking for me, finding out what you’re up to…(sung to the tune of Private Dancer by Tina Turner)

Okay, so it’s time for a confession. Yes, I am a stalker…but only very minimally…And can it really be considered stalking if it’s your husband?! Now really people!

That’s all I’m able to reveal at this moment:)