I’m so effing tired of being tested by some sort of force…being you, our friends, or a higher power…

WTF———

So we talked once more and it didn’t turn out as positive as I had hoped. You got angry that the conversation turned circular again. I don’t think that it is circular but more of a spiral. I feel like a new piece of information comes out each time that we talk.

You are so angry…I think you are angry at yourself but won’t face it…so I’m the one who takes all the hits. I asked you why you have to continually lie, you said that it was to make it easier on me. Fuck you, you lied to make it easier for you. You asked if I honestly thought that we could make it through this and have a future and I said yes. You said that you didn’t think so…well, there we are. I said that you never gave me the chance to respond to the things that you felt pressured about; like marriage and kids. You asked if I would be willing to live in an apartment in a city instead of a house outside the city…I said yes but that is something we would need to discuss because of our current responsibilities. You responded by saying that this was a fundamental thing that you didn’t like about me—the fact that I’m a list maker. Whatever. You also asked that if you said that you never wanted kids could I be happy with that. I asked you if you never wanted to have kids and you couldn’t answer me because I know that you do want kids, perhaps not right now but eventually. So your question was stupid.

You kept getting angry because you said that I can’t change your mind and that I don’t listen to you. I said that is why we should be talking with the counselor. Husband, you said you weren’t willing to go…

There it is…I’m not willing to let this go and you aren’t willing to make it work…now what?!