Today marks the 34th day of no contact between my husband and me. It also marks the death of my father-in-law. I don’t even have words to describe all of the emotions I’m going through. The biggest being the desire to hold my husband, to help him through this transition. I’m also hurt that he didn’t call to tell me about his father, I had to hear it from someone else. There is also a bit of confusion, anger, frustration…my husband lied to me again about his whereabouts this last week…he told me he was going to visit his father…but he was actually someplace else a bit more sleazy for business?!

Since we have yet to talk I don’t know what is going through his head and heart. Plus I don’t know when would be a good time to approach the topic…especially now with the finality of his relationship with his father. I know I need to give him some space and respect as he mourns this loss…and because of who I am I will give that to him freely.

His mother also is confusing me with statements of hope and then telling me she doesn’t want to give me false hope. I also keeps having these intensely real dreams of my husband’s return…and I statements from my husband’s point of view that seem to pop into my head from nowhere. I am a believer in things unseen, perhaps these are messages from those who have passed that love us, maybe his brother and father urging me to have faith…Or manifestations of my own mind and heart willing me to keep faith…

One thing is for certain, I love my husband with everything I have and will love him till eternity…